My Most Honest Post Ever; Struggling with Food Addiction

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PIZZA

I wrote this post in June 2013, and it was the best thing I ever did. Since opening up about my food issues, it has allowed me to confront them and deal with them. Please read this!

All of my adult life I’ve had serious food issues.  I don’t know if I’ve been like this my whole life or what brought it on, but it’s something that I’ve struggled with since at least the age of 18 and something that I still struggle with today at 32 years old.

I’m going to be honest and blunt in this post and I’m going to start with this; Unless you’ve ever had an issue with food, you don’t and won’t understand what it’s like.  You can have sympathy for someone or try to relate to someone with a food addiction, but if you’ve never gone face first into a garbage can after a bag of chips you’ve thrown out because you don’t want to eat them anymore but you can’t control yourself, you won’t completely understand.

One of the things that pisses me off most is when people who have never been through try to lecture me about healthy food and ask me questions like “wouldn’t you rather have a salad with chicken?”. No, I wouldn’t! That’s why I just went face first into a garbage can for food. Have you ever gone into the garbage after a salad?

I’ve come to the point that I know I need to dump food out of its bag or box and directly into the garbage can otherwise I will start trying to rationalize that it’s still good because it’s still in the bag or box and it isn’t actually in the garbage can.  And honestly, this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I hide food. I lie about what I eat sometimes. And man am I ever a gorger.  I’ll polish off an entire chocolate cheesecake faster than most people will eat one piece even though I feel like I’m gunna puke.

I’m very well educated on healthy eating and healthy living, so please don’t get me wrong and don’t misunderstand what I’m saying! I WANT to eat clean and healthy every day for both my mind and my body, but for some reason, one that I don’t know or understand, this is the most difficult thing in the world for me to do. I have to fight bad eating habbits every day of my life, and for the most part I have been and I am still successful at overcoming my unhealthy habits and lifestyle. But man, it’s still a struggle.

I’m writing this today because I don’t want to lie about or hide this side of me.  I tell all of my clients these stories so they know that I can relate to them and that I understand what they’re going through. I’m writing this to let you know that it is possible to battle bad habits and food addiction and that the I’m proof.  I’ve lost over 100 pounds and kept it off.  Yes, I still struggle with my eating and my bad habits every day of my life, but it is manageable and I’m honestly the happiest in my life when I’m eating clean every day.

I’m writing this post in hopes that those of you who struggle the same way I do can realize that you can beat it and when you do, it feels damn FUCKING good! .  It’s not easy and it takes hard work and effort but I promise you, it’s worth it!

 

48 COMMENTS

    • It’s been 8 months since I wrote this post and since you commented… how have you been making out?

  1. Thank you for being so honest, Scott. Brave of you to come out and talk about something like this. Email me if you ever want to chat it out…because believe it or not, I have stories too.

    Hugs.

    • I too have struggles with this same topic! It is so nice to know I am not alone, and thank you for saying something on the subject…it can be super hard to talk about it!!!

    • It’s taken me 8 months to go back to this post and to reply to people. Thank you for your support and for being a friend for so long!

  2. Wow. You described me to a tee. I’ll be honest, I’ve never taken food out of the trash, but that’s because I would rather eat it all before throwing it out. I don’t want to waste my money even though I need to get rid of the food from the house or I will eat it all. So, I’ll eat it all at once so I can get rid of it quicker. Yea…that makes sense.

    Thank you for posting this. I am desperately trying to change my habits to become healthier, but it’s a struggle. While I hate that other people go through what I do, it helps to know that I’m not the only one. And hearing that you struggle, but have been able to lose weight and be successful gives me hope. I appreciate the courage it took to post this. I don’t know if I could.

  3. Thank you for writing this post. I have struggled with this issue most of my life too. I go through great phases and bad. Right now I’m trying to come out of a bad phase. I have also taken food (in it’s bag) out of my garbage and totally justified it to myself. To break myself of being tempted to go back to it I have put dish soap on things I want to throw out so I can’t go back for it. You’d be surprised how it helped.

    Reading this reminds me that I CAN get back to a good place. All it takes is hard work and being honest with yourself.

    Good luck and keep up the great work!

  4. I”m waiting for you to say you’re gonna train for and compete in an amateur boxing match as your new goal / motivation. (I left a comment about this on your last post)

    I want to see this happen, so what say you? will knowing you have to fight someone motivate you to train?

    here’s why you should do it:
    – Boxing training is hard, and a great workout.
    – Learning how to box is new training for you to learn and will interest you.
    – You’ll be learning something that you can become better at, rather than ‘only’ getting fitter (ie: crossfit). This isn’t a dig at crossfit by the way.
    – You’re already in way better shape than most boxers so you have the advantage of not getting tired which is half the battle
    – Most importantly it’d be awesome to see.

    Do it.

    Doesn’t anyone else want to see scott fight someone in a boxing match? It’d be awesome!

  5. Thank you so much for putting this out there. I struggle daily. And right now I am on the losing end of the battle. You have given me hope that with hard work I can battle and be victorious.

  6. Zachary Andrews

    That would be pretty amazing to see… especially if you’ve never boxed before. it’d be quite a motivator if you set a date that you wanted to compete by and actually did it. I’d be interested to hear about the training and progress your making and how it differs from your regular style workout routines/crossfit/etc.
    Justin, I’m very intrigued by your comment on Scott’s last blog post about goals and motivation… Scott, what’s this about your co-owner being a boxing coach?

  7. I totally agree, its so hard for people who have never suffered with a food addiction to understand why its so hard to give up and move on from. To them its a case of well just stop, but that’s not always possible.

  8. I agree with everyone else.. this is a great post.
    I wrote something similar in my most recent post, and I am always left feeling like all of this nonsense about food must sound just so trivial and ridiculous to people who do not suffer the same kind of crazy!
    But there are plenty of us who “get it”, really get it.

    So, we hear you!

  9. Thank you for sharing! It’s very inspiring to know someone as fit as yourself struggles real life struggles along with the rest of us. I really appreciate your honesty and encouragement to be the best version of myself I can be! It’s not easy, but it’s possible – and the harder you have to work to achieve something, the more sweet it will feel once you do!

  10. Great post. To fight with this every day, it is commendable to simply put it out there. Nice work man. No use in hiding from it! I have always fought with the opposite. Not putting things into my body. To be honest, I cannot relate with your story of the garbage can. I can however relate to an unhealthy relationship with food. For years and years I struggled with anorexia. At my smallest I was 160. I stayed there for almost 10 years. Finally, I have come out of that place and have gained 35lbs. I do however lean back towards that almost every day. I question what I put in my body and see in the mirror. Elizabeth and I recently removed the scale from the bathroom so I wont have the urge to stand on it and stress myself out.

    Nice work man.

    oh, and nice snatch.

  11. I really commend you on writing that post. It takes guts to reveal your “Secret” habits. Honestly though, it’s great that you spoke out because you’re right, maybe your post will speak to those who suffer from binge eating. I know a fair amount of people who binge eat, it’s out of their control. They don’t ever feel full, even if they have eaten an entire cake, 3 large pizzas and 2 dozen donuts. They’re filling a void yet they don’t know what they’re filling. I have had my fare share of eating issues, but on the other side of the spectrum, so I understand what you went through. I really praise you though, because battling this every day, on top of life in general is not an easy task. Truly, you are an inspiration.

  12. Thanks for sharing your struggles, Scott.

    I can totally relate to diving face first into the trash can after a box of Girl Scout cookies. That was AFTER I took a picture and blogged about throwing them out. Sooo guilty that I wasted money, I took the box out, removed the cookie sleeves, and threw the box away again. That was one of my worst binges; I ate the entire box (2 sleeves) of cookies in two hours.

    That was several years ago, but I still struggle with food. I could have written this post myself; I hide food and I have lied about it. I know what a healthy diet looks like, and I love how I feel when I am “on track,” but need to figure out how to stay that way all the time.

  13. This is TOTALLY me.

    I’m a food addict. I’m not obese or anything, but I find that…if given the opportunity…I could polish off a 12″ pizza on my own or an entire bag of chips or one of those larger bags of peanut m&m’s.

    The problem with me is that I go from “addiction to addiction”. So I could be addicted to ice cream for a few weeks, then addicted to a chocolate bar for another few weeks, then addicted to a certain flavour of potato chip. I feel like crap for eating so much and then I turn to food for comfort. It’s a vicious cycle.

    I’m doing what I can to fix the problem. Obviously, knowing that I’m a food addict means that I can look at myself in the mirror and attempt to consciously stop doing it. I’m down almost 20 pounds from my heaviest weight and I’m working on my next 20.

    It’s like you said…if people have never had to deal with addiction, then they simply wouldn’t understand. I’m glad you wrote this.

  14. So I’m reading your blog post and agreeing with every single word you have written, but I can’t get the thought of how good that pizza in the picture looks. As soon as I get to the end of your post and realize I’m still thinking about the pizza, I’m ashamed and laughing all at the same time.

    I’ve recently just gotten “back on the wagon”, so the thought of pizza, right now, makes my mouth water.

    Thanks for the post – I feel the same way; the addiction and the lack of control. But I’m ready to get my ass in gear.

  15. This post made me tear up, because I could of wrote every single one of these words. I just didn’t keep the 100 pounds off. I gave back in. But I am back on the bandwagon. I am going to get healthy again.

    It is always good to know you are not alone. Thank you for your honesty!

  16. I feel the same way about smoking. It’s bad, it’s terrible for you…but inside, I still want a cigarette. I’ve now quit again for the 100th time. I’ve completed my first Half Marathon, and now have several mud runs this summer with the Chicago Perfect 10 in November. I AM going to conquer this!!

  17. Hugs! Food is a huge struggle especially when it’s necessary to sustain life. I can’t think of any other addiction that is as hard to battle, because none of them are necessary for life, unlike food. Please know that all of us here in the blogosphere are not here to judge, but instead are here to support you.

  18. You are a million times right when you say unless you’ve gone into the garbage can after food you won’t completely get it. You’ve got that right. Food addiction, using food as medication, food disordered thoughts, whatever you want to call it – you’re right. It’s a struggle and likely something that will always be there, but it can and does get better with practice and support and I want you to know I do get it. And I’m here if you EVER need to talk or need help not diving back into that garbage can. I can also say that I completely agree that eating clean makes me feel the best I’ve ever felt, physically and mentally. Keep rockin’, and keep that honesty going. It’s refreshing.

  19. I can relate to this post more than I think anyone will ever know. You are brave to put it all out there and I appreciate your honesty. Thank you.

  20. […] I read Scott’s post about food addiction and it made me mad, not at him of course, but at what we all can do to […]

  21. thank you for putting it all out there and being so honest! it’s always comforting for me and i know for others to see that someone else is struggling with something that i struggle with. i’m not saying i’m glad you’re having a tough time, but i look at you as someone very strong and determined and to know that even you have food issues makes me feel like, okay, i can beat this. so thanks!

  22. Holy shit, Scott! It just goes to show that we really can’t make assumptions about people. I think a lot of the time, we assume fit people have it all together and, because they look good on the outside, their lives are ‘perfect’. Sharing your story definitely helps other people relate to you. But more importantly, it sounds like the release was very necessary & freeing. xoxo

  23. It’s definitely easy for someone to say — just don’t eat the foods that make you binge! But when it’s an addiction it’s a challenge. I try and fix that by not having any of the trigger foods in my house. If it’s there, I will sneak bites and binge. Not a healthy way to live!

  24. Alaina Arsemault

    what’s going on with these comments about boxing? are you gonna do boxing Scott? that would be interesting and scary.

  25. Great post Scott!
    With a history of bad eating/borderline eating disorder I know how hard a bad day(s) can be.

    You’ve come a long way and you’re doing great.
    Keep it up!

    Got your back!
    McCann

  26. It is refreshing to see that this is a common issue and a lot of people go through it (although most of us probably hide it pretty well). Thanks for sharing and being so honest.

  27. I really struggle with ridiculous binges.
    I used to have a severe binge eating disorder where I could easily consume 5,000 extra calories in a binge without blinking an eye. My drug of choice has always been desserts and I could easily eat an entire roll of cookie dough and totally understand what you mean about trash digging because I have thrown icing in the garbage, only to dig it out hours later. It has a lid right? I am not perfect, and still have big slip ups, but I am getting better. Hearing others share that they have gone through the same thing really helps me to realize that I am not alone in this. Thank you so much fro your honesty. It means a lot. You are a great inspiration.

  28. Thanks for all the comments . I suffer from addiction and food bingeing is one of them. Once I start I can’t stop and it is scary the amount of calories I can eat it is sickening. The guilt and shame after is really hard to deal with but I still do it. I do eat healthy most of time and excercise regularly but these binges kill me. I feel so much better when I stay on track .

  29. Exactly how I feel. Especially about people who don’t understand. So many people have been like just eat less, just eat salads, go jogging. It’s so aggravating. 1) ITS NOT THAT EASY 2) thats not really going to cut it. I also feel like I have a strong understanding of nutrition, I eat clean most of the time, I work out regularly but I definiately slip. And its been soo hard to get to a healthy weight, I’m not super obese, but about 50 lbs from where I want to be. And when I feel like I’m trying so hard and its still not working I go right back to food. And then i do the “well I’m going back on my diet Monday so I better get it all in now” even tho the whole time I’m feeling gross after each bad meal. I’m big on fast food in the car, I’m alone and I can throw out the evidence before anyone sees it. And I never let a fry go to waste, not even the over fried super crunchy one sitting at the bottom of the bag. And I am a pro at eating past the i’m full point. Definately starting to realize how addictive processed food can be. I don’t feel like overeating as a disorder is as openly discussed as some other eating disorders. Thanks for your post. Hopefully I can make it to the “it was worth it” point too.

  30. Wow…I’m speechless…this is EXACTLY how I feel, EXACTLY what I’ve been struggling with. Thank you so much for posting this. I don’t think anything anyone has ever written has touched me like this. I feel so much better knowing that I’m not the only one out there…no kidding dude, you really get it.

  31. I thought about this post over the weekend when I went face first trash diving after something (food) I had thrown out. I’ve also realized that I’ve been off my game latley with mood, attitude, etc… and I think it has to do with food. I’ve allowed a few ‘treats’ back into my day-to day and that’s when I noticed that I’ve become more bitchy. (Yes – I’m a guy and I’m admitting to being bitchy). I think a lot of people think the delicate food balance is as easy as the snap of your fingers – but guess what — its not! This post is a keeper and I am constantly coming back to it as a reminder that #1. I can do this …and #2 – I’m not alone!

    Thanks again for the honesty Scoot.

  32. First time I’ve ever come to your site (from FitFluential), first post I clicked on (which means it’s applicable to me) and despite being a serial blog lurker, wanted to say kudos! Probably not what you imagined being congratulated for when you were a kid, but I’ve come to know that having an issue with food is not an easy thing to own up to, and here you’ve done it in a public forum. Thanks for admitting you still struggle with this – hallelujah, honesty! – but also standing as an example of a strong, healthy individual. Definitely inspired by your journey and will certainly return for more reads.

  33. I was impressed how honest you were with your problem. Fortunately I have never had that problem until I got a divorce after 27 years of marriage. Living alone and never been a cook, all I ate was packaged food and crackers and cheese. I then noticed that the end of my closet was beginning to fill with clothes I could not wear. I saw a commercial for Herbalife and got started selling it and consuming it and immediately -4 weeks- lost 10 pounds and after 6 months lost 20 pounds and 2′ in my waist. I’m not selling it anymore but still consume it and have maintained my weight for a year. I drink 2 protein shakes (breakfast and and a regular meal in the evening.. Snack between meals with nuts usually almond and peanuts. But I have never been a big eater.

  34. I can relate.
    There is a program like AA for alcoholics.
    It’s called OA – Overeaters Anonymous.
    It has helps me immensely.
    Thanks for your honesty and sharing.

  35. I love that more and more people are talking about food addictions. I now know I’m not alone. I struggle daily with an eating disorder and just can’t seem to kick it. I KNOW what healthy eating is and want to follow so bad but just can’t seem to stay on track to do it. Thank you for being honest about your relationship with food!!!

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